Background Noise

I remember when academics used to be the sun to my solar system; the wind to my sails; the fuel to my engine. These hyperbolic cliches are only necessary because, in high school, academics were my reason for everything. Because my one goal in life was getting into a great college, I allowed grades and tests and workbook pages to drive my motivation vehicle. However, it never occurred to me what would happen to my relationship with academia post-high school. Would I continue to study into the night and push friends aside to cram for an AP Calc exam? Would I actually need anti-derivative skills for my goals in life? And what were those subsequent goals that would supposedly lead to the best years of my life?

School has become the background noise to my life. Sure, I gave it the first two weeks so I could figure out how to balance my workload and buy all my books and gather my "good intentions," but, honestly, school is in no way my college focus. Perplexing, no?

Don't be mistaken. I do all my work, I'm not a slacker. If you've ever met me, you know that I have a tendency to stress about the fact that even though I took AP Calc in high school, I can't really do conversions or eighth grade math and will therefore stare at my obnoxiously yellow packet for three hours while holding a protractor, doing my Environmental Science lab homework and wondering which way is up (er, for example...).

I am finally making the transition from high school. I thought I would always be just "the overachiever." I never really thought about it last year as a freshman, but all my extracurricular overcommitments, my friends, my nights out -- those are the things that keep me going. It's not about getting a 4.0 and getting into an Ivy League school. I mean, what's after this? Real life, right? These things keep me going because those are the things that bring me joy, not my TI83.

College is teaching me to the think like a grown-up. Weird.