Death to ResLife

Okay, so Barnard Residential Life & Housing has officially made my "list"* of people and/or things I hate.

When my friends and I (out of sheer dumb luck) secured a beautiful eleventh floor Plimpton suite for the next year, we were beyond excited. Not only did we get to live with people we loved, we got to have some premium space to love each other in (air-conditioning? breakfast nook? views of buildings twenty feet away? is there anything it doesn't have?). One of our friends, to our deep dismay, decided not to return to Barnard next year and is transferring to Kenyon. We had known about this previous to her decision, so we contacted ResLife** to discuss this hypothetical situation in the case that it should theortically arise. Which it did.

Luckily (well not really for her) another very good friend was on the housing wait-list, and BAM all of our problems were over. Not only did we have another loveable person to live in our suite (because Phish can never be replaced), she would also know where she was living in the fall and that she would be living loveable people.***

We contacted ResLife and let them know our plan. We wrote letters/emails, made phone calls, set up meeting, etc. We did everything we could possibly do to make everyone's lives easy. And happy. And full of love.

BUT NO! ResLife clearly wants no such happiness for anyone. Not even themselves.****

Apparently, it's better for everyone to put a complete stranger in our suite and stick our wait-list friend in a double with someone she already knows she can't live with (long story). It's like they went out of their way to piss everyone off. Because that's what they do at Barnard Residential Life & Housing. They sit and plot with their clock pens and try and figure out the best plan to make everyone unhappy. In the end, I mostly feel bad for the stranger they're sticking us with. Because let's face it. My friends and I are a bunch of freaks.*****

*In high school, my friends made me keep a list of the people I was actively hating so I wouldn't hate more than five people at a time. This was to keep me from being a complete and utter bitch, and also to save my intense hatred reserves for the people who really deserved it.
**In March. We contacted them in March. Months of hoop-jumping ensued.
***And who doesn't appreciate love and security?
****Or at least they won't be happy with themselves on Monday when they recieve the onslaught of my death threat arsenal that I have been preparing in the past few hours
*****ie sexy troll themed parties, calling each other by our true medieval titles, and worshipping a stuffed purple Totoro.